Kripalu's Gifts

I'd promised to share more about my trip to Kripalu, and I didn't forget. During my weekend there, Kripalu gave me numerous gifts.

1. Henna. I was lucky to have my trip correspond to one of the weekends that the talented henna artist Kelly Flaherty was at Kripalu. She blessed me with beautiful floral henna art on my hand.
2. Awareness. During some juicy pranayama, I became aware that I am only able to breathe through the left side of my nose. I had a cold and an ear infection in the right ear, but I never noticed that I'm not drawing any air in through the right side. I came home with a daily Nadi Shodhana practice.
3. Silence. One of my favorite things about Kripalu is the silent breakfast. It's wonderful to start the day with good food and my journal, with no pressure to make small talk. I've tried to recreate it at home, journaling while I drink my Isagenix shake. My son has been writing or drawing in his at the same time, so it's somewhat successful, with only occasional discussion about mismatched socks or too hot oatmeal.
4. Kale. And chard. And tempeh with lemon butter and capers. Kripalu's food is amazing. It's clean, local and incredibly well prepared. I left feeling very healthy and nourished.
5. Music. Kripalu hosts musical performers most Saturday nights. Our workshop had a Saturday evening component, but I was able to catch the last few songs by Gaia Roots, a high-energy world music ensemble. After having live drumming during the noon Yoga Dance class, more percussion by these talented ladies was icing on the cake. I brought home a signed CD and I can't stop listening. 
6. Cohorts. Workshops at Kripalu, especially with titles like "Creating Transformational Workshops," tend to bring like-minded people together. That was definitely the case and I'm happy to have new people to reach out to for feedback or support.
7. Ideas. Ken Nelson's workshop left my mind full of ideas and a framework in which to organize them.
8. Yoga. Yes, I know yoga has been in my life for many years, but even yoga teachers need a yoga practice recharge every now and then. Daily yoga classes reminded me how good I feel when I practice regularly.

Party like it's 12-21-12

Thanks to Happy Box 365 for posting just the right thing this morning.

A weekend at Kripalu was just what this yoga teacher needed. I came home yesterday a different person, not just renewed but having tapped into something deeper, something I didn't know was there. I'm still processing and I'll continue to share as things settle.

The weekend was a business trip. A Bona Fide Butterflies cohort and I participated in a workshop called "Creating Transformational Workshops" presented by Ken Nelson and Lesli Lang. While we each had our individual reasons for going, our joint intention was to get ideas for the upcoming women's retreat.

Last evening, while it was all fresh and bursting out of our heads anyway, the group of facilitators met to revisit our retreat plans. Changes were made, and more changes will be made, but we are very happy with what's coming together.

In an interesting juxtaposition, I found out that a friend is planning an "end of the world" party for December 21st, because if the world should happen to end she wants to go out having fun with the people she loves.

Which got me thinking. Are we planning a post-apocalyptic retreat? How can we make plans for a future that may never happen or may be so radically changed that the plans are irrelevant?

I don't think we'll be gone on December 22nd and the expansion of consciousness which I believe has already begun is more likely to be a slow process than a flick-of-a-switch change. But it does make me think about how I'd like to spend the next thirty days.

If this was my last month on earth, I'd try to be more present to the moments, to listen to my children when they speak, to hug more often, to spend time with people who make me happy, to let go and to forgive. I would keep my house neat, just in case I get a visit from some divine being. I would meditate and do my yoga practice every day, and smile at strangers. I would try to notice and appreciate the trees and the animals and eat the bountiful gifts of the earth and share the energy of the web of life.

What if we all lived every day as if we only had thirty more? Would we create the very change that would mark the "end of the world" and the beginning of something new?

If I knew the world was going to end, would I spend time planning the retreat? Absolutely. And I'd enjoy every minute that I spent with the ladies that are the Bona Fide Butterflies, who laugh, share, support and challenge each other and who, each in their unique way, would enrich my last thirty days in countless ways.

* * *

There was so much at Kripalu that inspired me during my stay. Here's a snippet of a song by a group that I really enjoyed, recorded during another performance at Kripalu earlier this year.

Trusting Myself, Part 2

Image by Stellas mom via FlickrI have to admit that my mind was in a strange place when I stepped into the room for the first session of Seane Corn's Empower Flow Yoga workshop. I was focused inside, still processing my experiences over the three previous days. My energy felt at odds with the buzzing crowd while I set my mat down in one of the few remaining spots at the back of the room. Perhaps that's why my "fun" workshop turned into two days of torture.

Having already read posts from some of my fellow bloggers who also attended the workshop, I know my experience was different than that of the other 100+ people in the room, so please accept that this was my unique experience and nothing I write is intended to belittle Seane Corn or discourage others from taking workshops with her in the future. I only hope to share the lesson I learned in trusting myself.

When Seane entered the room my first thought was, "she's shorter than I remember." The only other time I'd seen her in person she was on the stage at Yoga Journal's Estes Park Conference. At that same conference I had been surprised that Shiva Rea wasn't taller, so maybe I just assume all celebrities are taller than me. This occupied my mind until Seane worked her way to the front of the room and called us up to sit near her.

During the first session I really tried to like Seane and kept reminding myself that this was supposed to be fun, but something wasn't right. I don't know if it was the words she used or just her delivery, but I couldn't connect to her message. Maybe with everything that went on earlier in the week I just wasn't open to being empowered.

I also didn't connect to the asana practice. After finally recovering from my last two races in September, I was taking care in my practice not to do anything that would re-injure my knee or make me hurt too bad. Perhaps because I was being cautious, or perhaps because I was already put off by the talking, the practice felt forced and uninspiring.

I spent some time Friday night trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Everyone else seemed in awe of Seane Corn, excited to be in the same room with her, and I wondered if I just didn't get it or perhaps I was not the yogini I thought I was. After spending some time with my journal over breakfast, I realized again I needed to trust my own truth and honor where I was. I had paid for the workshop, so I would gather what I could from it without internalizing those things that were not resonating with me.

By the second session I was back in teacher mode, listening for good teaching cues and checking out the adjustments Seane's assistant was doing. I was no longer listening to my body, and after doing more back bends than I should have I was hurting. The afternoon session was much more talking than practicing and when we finally got on our mats I was irritated and my back was sore from sitting. After Seane's practice did nothing to help, I stayed in the room for the Kripalu gentle class which followed.

The gentle class was great and I enjoyed the long savasana. That night I sat in the sauna for as long as I could stand, then collapsed into bed. I'd had enough of Seane Corn and I missed my family. I was ready to go home.

Sunday morning I got up for the early gentle class to work the kinks out of my low back. At breakfast I decided to skip the last session of Seane Corn's workshop. There was no point in continuing the torture. Instead I curled up with my journal for awhile, then packed, visited the Kripalu store, put my things in the car and checked out.

After a delicious lunch (the food at Kripalu is amazing) I headed for home.

While I didn't like the Empower Flow stuff, I don't regret a single minute I spent at Kripalu. I needed the break and, while it wasn't what I expected, the trip forced me to see what was going on inside and trust myself, even if it meant accepting that I am not full of fun right now.

By Sunday night I had a grip on the teaching stuff, and I went into Monday's classes prepared and organized. I feel like my teaching has been reinvigorated. My personal practice, on the other hand, has mellowed into something very gentle. I'm trusting that this is where I need to be.

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Trusting Myself, Part 1

Image via WikipediaI came home after five days at Kripalu feeling like my mind was a ping pong ball, bouncing between the mundane challenges of teaching yoga (and life in general) and the contemplation of some inner wisdom that surfaced during my stay. All week I have been torn between wanting to put some new teaching skills to work and the desire find a lonely mountaintop where I can just sit and think.

In the end, teaching won out (of course), and cold rain dampened my mountain climbing desire. I did manage to find enough quiet time to wrangle the stampeding thoughts about my trip enough to be able to share some of them.

I participated in two workshops while I was at Kripalu, Nourishing the Teacher, taught by Danny Arguetty and Anjali Budreski, and Seane Corn's Empower Flow Yoga. The former was intended to benefit my students, the latter was meant to be fun for me. But what does yoga teach us about expectations?

Yeah, a funny thing happened on the way to Kripalu ...

About a week before my trip I was planning to call and cancel. My father suffered a "cardiac event" and was going to need open-heart surgery very soon. He had an appointment with the cardiac surgeon during my planned time away, and I didn't want to be two hours from home if the surgeon deemed emergency surgery necessary. My mother pointed out that they wouldn't have waited a week if it was truly an emergency, and insisted I go.

In the days before I left, I was faced with some new issues regarding my son's SPD, a conflict popped up at the church for one day when I have classes scheduled, and I had a mountain of housework to catch up on. It wasn't until I arrived at Kripalu and found my way to the afternoon yoga class that I realized how much stress I was holding in my body.

That yoga class was the first class in six months I'd been able to take from another teacher. As I settled into the asanas I was very grateful to be able to be the student, just being on the mat without thinking three or four poses ahead. I explored all the tight spots in my body and became very aware of how much my mind was chattering. Savasana was very challenging. I think I'd forgotten how to do it!

The Nourishing the Teacher workshop started the first evening. I instantly loved Danny and Anjali. While I appreciated how knowledgeable both were, it was their openness and generous spirits that drew me in. Then they threw in some chanting and I was very, very glad I hadn't canceled.

My only problem with the workshop didn't have anything to do with the teachers and had everything to do with me. I couldn't get my head around the actual teaching part. I thoroughly enjoyed the yoga classes they offered us, including a restorative class which released a headache I'd been nursing for almost a week, but couldn't work my way back into the teacher mode. I felt like I had no creativity left, I was nervous talking in front of the other participants, and I fought back tears every time we had to do an exercise. I wanted to be perfect, and when I was critiqued it hurt deeply. I was experiencing self-doubt like I hadn't felt since the very first night of yoga teacher training.

500 hours of teacher training and two years of teaching, down the drain.

On the final morning I declined to do the last practice teach and instead cried through the classes presented by others. As the emotions welled up and spilled out, I settled back into myself. When the last workshop session ended I regrouped and joined the Kripalu vigorous vinyasa class because Danny was teaching it. I had a great practice and really felt present. Later that afternoon I took a gentle yoga class which left me feeling very peaceful.

Nourishing the Teacher lived up to it's name, not because I came away feeling like a better teacher, but because it truly nourished me, the scared and overwhelmed yogini, when I needed it most. I am very grateful to Danny and Anjali for creating space where I could be nurtured and retreat. And I trust that my experience was as it was meant to be, with no disappointment or regret.

That evening Seane Corn's workshop started, the one that was supposed to be fun for me. And that is a whole other story...

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