Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Fall Cleanse

LaubBlätter10Image via WikipediaAfter a really good teleclass with holisticguru, I set out to plan my fall cleanse. I was thinking about 4-5 days of steamed veggies, maybe with an all-liquid diet day in the middle. But a funny thing happened on the way to the organic grocery store...

Every now and then the universe gives us a moment of insight. My most recent one came while I was sitting at my kitchen table, having just finished lunch. Season 3 of Nip/Tuck was streaming on Netflix and I was doing some journaling about this week's drawing class. I'd given myself half an hour to write, then I had other things to do around the house. I was already behind on my housework since I wasted the morning before class watching television.

But the episode of Nip/Tuck wasn't over in 30 minutes, so I decided I'd better eat something else so I had a reason to keep sitting there.

That's when the moment of insight hit me. My whole relationship with food suddenly made sense. I wasn't eating to nourish my body. I was eating to avoid unpleasant household chores. I was eating to avoid the physical and mental challenges of working out, running a business, meditating and writing. I don't down a bag of potato chips to satisfy a craving for crunchy or salty food. I put junk food in my body so I have an excuse to be sitting on my butt watching television instead of doing the things that will get me closer to my goals.

I get caught up in television. I have a hard time being in the house without the TV on, especially if I'm alone. If something catches my interest, I'll stop what I'm doing, grab something to eat and sit down to watch. I eat because in my head that justifies the wasted TV-watching time. I'm "taking a break and having a snack." Then I keep having snacks so I can keep watching until I'm forced to drag myself away because I have to be somewhere.

I feel guilty because the bed never got made, since I can't see the TV from the bedroom. I didn't write because I am too into someone else's story to create my own. I didn't get on my yoga mat because I'd have to turn off the television to focus. I didn't go to the grocery store because I needed to see the end of the movie. I stayed up too late watching and couldn't get up early for a workout. I look back on my day and feel like a failure and wonder where all the time went.

Television is toxic to me. It clouds my mind and zaps my energy.

So I decided my fall cleanse isn't about food. Since I'm not having any physical or digestive issues and my weight is what it should be, diet changes can wait. I need to change my relationship with television and stop using it as a distraction from those scary, challenging things I should be focusing on. I'm going on a 21 day television fast.

For the next three weeks, I will leave the TV off and I will not stream Netflix or Hulu on my computer. I will send the Dexter DVD back to Netflix unwatched. Cold turkey.

Today is day one. I'm having a hard time deciding what to do with myself. I'm having arguments with myself about my decision. I'm convinced I can't wash the breakfast dishes without the TV on. Luckily I can get out of the house for a good part of the day for appointments and errands.

More later...

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